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Divorced dads find outlet at men's commission

Testimony centers on inequality in courts

By DANIEL BARRICK
Monitor staff
www.cmonitor.com

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When it was approved last year, New Hampshire's Commission on the Status of Men was envisioned as grappling with a wide range of issues: domestic violence against men, educational inequalities and health problems. The commission's advocates pointed to troubling statistics like higher suicide rates and lower life expectancy among men as evidence of the need for study.

But at yesterday's inaugural meeting, the only item on the agenda was the family court system. Nearly every man who testified described a system of biased judges, incompetent lawyers and lying ex-wives. They went into excruciating detail about the years of court battles that had consumed their lives - and also consumed nearly all of the meeting.

"The worst sexism in this country by far is what happens to divorced fathers," said Mike Smith of Portsmouth, who said his experience fighting his ex-wife for visitation rights had ravaged his mental and physical well-being. "It's even worse than it was in the South with the Jim Crow laws. Nobody cares. I have no civil rights. . . . The courts just don't care."

Daniel Frazier of Somersworth told a similar tale of frustration and nodded knowingly throughout the others' testimony. "Right now, the bias against fathers in the courts is amazing," he said.

And Frazier said he has an idea where that bias comes from: women's groups.

"It's based on a lot of propaganda brought out decades ago by groups like NOW," he said, referring to the National Organization for Women.

"Politicians kowtow to what the women want," another man chimed in.

The commission, the first of its kind in the country, was approved last year as a brother institution to the state's 34-year-old women's commission. Unlike the women's commission, it receives no state money and is funded strictly with grants and donations.

The commission has seven members. In brief introductions yesterday, the men described themselves as coming from a broad range of backgrounds. Commissioner Gerard Boyle, a lawyer in Plymouth who specializes in criminal cases, also has extensive experience with family and divorce law. Stephen Gorin, a professor of social work at Plymouth State University, studies social welfare policy and mental health. Ron Blankenstein is the regional director for the College of Lifelong Learning. Larry Colby is family services manager for Head Start.

Boyle questioned many of the men who testified yesterday, asking for details about alimony payments and court appearances. He and many of the other commission members agreed that men face an uphill battle in the state's family court system, much of it due to judges' failure to uphold state statutes, they said.

But Jeff Oligny, a divorced father from East Hampstead who also testified, said men may actually be their own worst enemies.

"We're all men here," he said, gesturing towards the commission members. "We're not that good at advocating for ourselves."

The commission will meet once a month, with plans to assemble around the state to draw in more listeners. The next meeting is Nov. 19 at the Legislative Office Building in Concord at 9 a.m.

Saturday, November 1, 2003

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