DADI Blog

Archive for the 'General Divorce' Category

Tips for Surviving Your Divorce

Posted by admin on 27th April 2006

Your world has broken apart and you are now living in utter despair, you don’t even feel like you can face another day because you just went through a divorce. Now, you are faced with a whole new set of problems and emotions and you may feel like a fish out of water because your way of life just ended. Your probably dealing with  all kind of thoughts and feelings like, how will I go on, did I do the right thing ,I feel lonely, what about the children? The list goes on and on, so these tips for surviving your divorce should help you regain some control on your life and help smooth out the road again. 

You are now living in the aftermath and now its time to start the reconstruction of your life. As you are reading this you may be thinking, I can’t and even though you think no one else has had to deal with this catastrophic event, one day soon you will be thinking back and saying wow my life is better today than any other time I can think of.  Just like the millions of people who have survived a divorce before you. Now let’s get you started with some of the most common survival training tips. First you need to sweep any feelings of regret out of your way, be thinking back to the reason you got a divorce and simply affirm to your self this was the best action. Secondly, avoid secluding your self from family and friends and become a recluse, this is the worst thing you could possibly do when in fact, you need their support and company more that ever now.

If you have children you just might be feeling guilty and sad for them splitting them away from the other parent. Well the odds are you and you spouse’s  fussing and fighting all the time in front of the children even though you had not intended to, as the relationship was decaying away toward your divorce. It’s always better for a child to have both mom and dad living in harmony apart than seeing their parents fighting all the time. Now that the divorce has happened you need to accept to yourself that, no matter how you ended up with this divorce, stop blaming your self or your ex spouse and start you way to making yourself better than you use to be (Self Improvement).

Like most people who have just divorced, chances are you have lost some or even all of your income or other assets, hopefully you were able to hang on to your job through it all as some people lose it as well. Whatever your financial situation turned out to be you can’t dwell on what you lost or had its time to move on. You are not the first or the last this has happened too, so set new goals for finances, if you can’t afford where you live anymore then its time to move, and by all means if you’re not working its time to go back to work, your children are counting on you. Get your chin-up, set new goals, and be positive about your self and your plans, and you will be looking back very soon saying my life is better that ever.

Posted in Emotions & Divorce, General Divorce | No Comments »

International Divorce [Jurisdiction Issues]

Posted by admin on 27th April 2006

Many people today travel the world over, have property in various countries and have vacations homes in tropical settings. In a marriage, one spouse may be one nationality and still be a citizen of a foreign country, have children going to school in a very different country, and one spouse be living and working in a separate country. When this occurs and they are now at the point of divorcing, many things come into play. What country holds the jurisdiction over the divorce, the property, the custody of the children and any alimony or child support payments?

Before a divorce can proceed in these cases, the question of jurisdiction must be explored. You should retain legal counsel that can determine which jurisdictions are available for your divorce regarding the marriage, the personal property, and the real property, custody of the children, child support, and spousal support. Your counsel should understand the conflict of law rules and know what do to if this occurs. They should also be able to guide you on questions such as should you relocate, should you take the children to another country, and should you remove any assets.

There are many factors that your attorney will look at when deciding which jurisdiction is the best for your divorce and these include the grounds for the divorce, if there were any pre-nuptial or post-nuptial agreements, any businesses that were acquired during the marriage and which country they are in, any pensions or retirement benefits, inheritances, custody laws, etc..

Each country has there own set of laws governing child custody, child support, spousal support, division of property and even the grounds for divorce. Some countries do not allow no fault divorce while some do. According to which country you may be, seeking the custody of your children you may find that they favor fathers over mothers in all cases. Religion can also play a major role in divorce cases. Therefore, in these countries, a spouse that is more religious may be the winner while the other spouse is left out in the cold. Countries also differ considerably on the issue of maintenance and alimony.

Before you begin to decide on which jurisdiction would be in your best interest, you should seek counsel that understand the laws governing each country that you have some type of property in whether your children are going to school there, you have vacation property, or a business. Since, each country may favor one spouse over the other by their sex, their religious behavior, or just their citizenship.

Posted in Divorce Process, General Divorce | No Comments »

How to Manage Conflict in Your Divorce

Posted by admin on 27th April 2006

Unless you are, the perfect couple and both can agree all everything then there will be conflicts. Some conflicts can be very minor while others can be disastrous. How to manage conflicts that arise in your divorce can be decide by determining just how important these conflicts are to you and how much time, it is worth in order for you come to a decision.

You already know what the conflicts are that are facing you in your divorce, who stays in the home, who gets custody of the children, is joint custody a possibility, will the children spend 50 percent of their with you and then 50 percent with the other parent, who gets the children for the holidays, who gets which auto and so on.

First, you must ask yourself these questions.

Is the issue really that important or can I live with the other spouse having the car, furniture, etc?

Is what is at stake that important to me?

Will talking about the issue make it better or worse?

Am I willing to sit and listen to their side?

Now, you really know which conflicts are important and which ones you need to address. But, can you both sit down and rationally discuss the issues without causing even more friction? First, you must be willing to compromise and so must your spouse. If you cannot see that you both can have agreements on anything, you can suggest a therapist or even a divorce mediator. This way you will both learn to share and compromise and the conflicts can get resolved.

If you are wishing to win, win, win in your divorce, then you are going to be sadly disappointed unless your spouse was an abusive person to you and the children. The only way to avoid conflict is to know that neither one of you is in a winning situation and you both will lose something along the way.

Managing conflict may be as easy as giving in to some things your spouse wants for other things that you desire. Let’s say that you both have accumulated many things over the years while you were married. You both love going fishing and both of you wish to keep the fishing equipment and the boat. But, you also have one truck with a hitch for the boat and two cars, one with a hitch and one without which is a sports car. Your spouse wants the truck because they also use it for work and they also want the sports car. Well, you could compromise and say, “I will let you have the truck and the sports car, but then I get the other car and the boat.” This way you both win.

Remember, if you cannot agree, the court will make the decisions for you and you both may lose out on what you really would like to keep.

Posted in Emotions & Divorce, General Divorce | No Comments »

How to Cope When Your Spouse Goes Ballistic

Posted by admin on 27th April 2006

You have decided to let your spouse know that you want a divorce, but you do not know how they will react to the news. Many spouses really do go ballistic and you need to know how to cope when your spouse goes ballistic.

First, calmly tell your spouse that you want a divorce and then be quiet. Let them talk, yell, rant, rave, and you just sit quietly back and listen. If they just keep screaming and yelling, you can very quietly get up and leave the room. You should have some clothing packed for you and the children and be ready to leave if your spouse has any type of violent tendencies. Whether you know it or not you are dropping a bomb on their lap, even if they have known for a long while the marriage is over. Taking action on your complaints is much different from just bickering.

If you do believe, you need to leave and take some time after telling them you desire a divorce, do not just get up and walk out. Calmly tell your spouse that you both need some time for this to sink in and that you will be back to discuss this further. However, if you do leave, you may not be able to get back in according to just how ballistic they get. They may change the locks and have all of your belongings strewn all over the yard. If you had any idea, they might react in this fashion, and then you should have a plan to remove your personal belongings before you drop the bomb.

Be prepared for anything that you might think they will do, coping with your spouse when they go ballistic is anticipating what they will do. You may be wondering what other things might happen when your spouse goes ballistic. Well, there are many, they may hire a private investigator, watch your home, go through your trash, talk to your friends, spread untrue ugly rumors, contact your family with threats and many more ugly things. The best way to counter these attacks is to not throw away any type of incriminating evidence, prepare your family and friends, get a restraining order, change the locks on the doors if you are still in the home, and by all means, if your spouse is calling you at work and harassing you, let your employer know immediately. This behavior could jeopardize your job.

Posted in Emotions & Divorce, General Divorce | No Comments »

Divorce Dirty Tricks

Posted by admin on 27th April 2006

Honey I need a little space to find my self, I don’t want a divorce lets just separate for awhile. He or she is not really your daughter or son, let’s just agree on the amount I will pay you each month and save the cost of attorneys. Does this sound familiar? Yes we are talking about all the dirty trick that couples play when it comes to divorce. During a divorce the boxing gloves come off and you can almost be assured that at least one of the two will you some sort of dirty tricks and strategies to get the edge or the most out of their divorce if not both.

You need to be prepared because they will stop at nothing in some cases, using the kids as leverage, have there attorneys file all types of court orders to stall things up or make you out to look like the bad guy the list just goes on and on.  Now things get even dirtier when we sweeten up the pot and factor in the lawyers with there “This is war “attitudes of we most win at all cost. They will stop at nothing filing papers to the court to trying there best to intimidate you, and when child custody is involved look out because they will surly try to make you look like the unworthy parent all together.

If this situation happens to you then you are left with no choice but have your attorney counter file papers to combat these bogus allegations. If out of what seems like the blue your spouse when you lest expect it says “I want a divorce” when things seemed to be harmonious in your relationship then you can almost bet they have already planed ahead and have got some very dirty divorce tricks in store for you.  You better  set all those emotions aside and get a gripe quick because they probably has prepared ahead and have taken all the money out of any savings and checking accounts you held together. Check your balances on any credit cards as well to see if they just might be maxed out.

Many of the bread winners for a family will move out of the house leaving their spouse holding the bag for all the bills when they don’t even have a job because they stayed home which gives the bread winner the upper hand to force settlements out of financial stress in their favor. Many times spouses will secretly petition the court for full custody right after agreeing with you the day before to join custody just to catch you of guard and gain an upper hand.  Just to sum up get ready and be watchful if you find you’re self facing a divorce cause chances are you’re soon to be x has some special ones cooking for you.

Posted in General Divorce | No Comments »

Common Divorce Threats

Posted by admin on 27th April 2006

When it comes down to divorces many couples find themselves in what is known as psychological warfare. Each one of them believes they need the home, the kids, and a slew of other things that were accumulated during the marriage. You may be wondering if others getting a divorce also have these same problems and their soon to be ex-spouse threatens them as well. The answer is a simple yes. There are several common divorce threats that are heard during a divorce especially when the couple cannot agree and are still bickering.

These common divorce threats include:

* Do everything my way, or my attorney and I will make sure you do not get anything. This is not true. The court will decide what is fair, not the attorney or your soon to be ex-spouse.

* Why are you trying to take my money? This money is not just one person’s money; you may need the money to help with the children, or to help you until you can find a job. This type of question is usually asked because one person stayed at home and was not employed so the spouse believes all the money is theirs. However, again this is not the case. If the court believes you need the money you will receive was you are legally entitled to under the law. This will be your fair share of the money.

* I will never pay you child support; I will go to jail first. Well, today, there are many ways to get parents to pay their child support and they may go to jail. This tactic is used to show the parent with custody that the other parent would do anything to get out of paying, but if they really believe that jail may happen, they will pay. Courts can also order the child support to be garnished from the employment check.

* I will quit my job and not pay you child support. If you can get a witness for this statement use it in court. The court will not take it lightly and the one refusing to pay can find themselves in jail.

* You chose a lousy attorney why not use mine and we can save money? The spouse that makes this kind of statement is usually one that is controlling and is still trying to control you even during the divorce. You need your own attorney. You do not want your spouse and his attorney controlling the outcome of your divorce.

* I will make sure you never see the kids again. Well, if your spouse keeps the kids away, custody can be changed. Courts today do not take this type of action as being in the best interest of the children and have changed custody because of these types of parents.

Posted in General Divorce | No Comments »

Annulment

Posted by admin on 27th April 2006

What is annulment? While divorce is the end of a valid marriage, annulment is the end of a marriage that was invalid or void to begin with (voidable) from the start and was, therefore, not completely valid. That made a whole lot of sense, didn’t it?

So let it be broken down in the hopes that it will be more understood — starting off with a void marriage.  A void marriage is:

-One or both of the spouses is already legally married to someone else

-The spouses are too closely related to be married

-One or both of the spouses lacked the mental capacity or intent to marry

-Or if either one of the married couple was under 18 and entered into a common law marriage.

Void means cancelled, null, invalid or negated.
 
However, if the previous legal marriage becomes legally taken care of, and if the couple continues to live together, the void marriage becomes valid. So, if you’re married to someone else, and seeing someone else, if you get your first marriage taken care of (divorce for example) you can legally marry the other person. Unless of course you want to bring polygamy back, but don’t count on it.

Also, if the couple was under 18 when they got married, but they continue to live together to and after they are 18, the marriage is then valid.

 A marriage is voidable if at the time of the marriage:

-Either member of the couple was under 16 and did not receive authorization from the Orphans Court

-Either member of the couple was between 16 and 18 and did not receive parental consent

-Either member of the couple was under the influence of liquor or drugs

-Either member was impotent (helpless, weak, powerless, unable, incapable, etc)

-Either member of the party used fraud, duress, coercion or force on the other member (all of these words basically mean force, threat, or pressure, bullying threatening etc.)
 
However, voidable marriages can also become valid under special circumstances.  Annulment differs from divorce where the court ends an otherwise legal marriage on a specific date. Now keep in mind that annulment will not necessarily be granted by the court just because one of the members of the marriage says, “I’ve made a horrible mistake!” or because the length of the marriage wasn’t very long-it is rare the annulment is appropriate and very rarely is it granted.

Posted in General Divorce | No Comments »