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Archive for the 'General Divorce' Category

Should I Move Out of the Martial Home?

Posted by admin on 27th April 2006

The question of whether or whether not to move away from your spouse is a big one. It’s depends on what is happening in your home and what its making you feel. All problems can be worked out if given the time and the effort. You have to want to work these problems out. If you are living in an abusive home where you don’t feel safe, you should move out. But if you’re living in a home where there are problems between the people in the house, you should stay and try to work things out. Remember that you have to work on the problems and nothing can ever be solved without trying.

Good communication in the household is the key. You must establish communication.

Choose a time when your household has nothing going on and talk with them. Present to them the problems you see and what you want to see happen to solve the problems. Let them present the issues they see in the house. Try not to argue with them or let them argue. Arguing can and will lead to more anger and even more problems. Open up to everyone and encourage them to do so. Consider counseling for your family if talking around the table does not seem to be going anywhere. It does help to have an educated outside option. Your counselor will identify the problems and help everyone communicate their needs and what they want to come of this. Remember to be honest about your feelings and remind others to do the same.

Nothing can come from an abusive relationship. Whether you are being psychologically, emotionally or physically abused, there is nothing that can come from it but pain and suffering. Possibly you could get hurt or even killed. Abuse is a very controlling way of getting what the abuser wants. They can make you think that you deserve it and have no way out of it. But you do. Call the police if it starts up. Do not hit them back. Tell the police you want them removed from the house. Tell the police what has been happening and show them any marks or bruises they have left on your body. Resort to getting a restraining order on them. With a restraining order they can not come within a certain amount of feet near you. And if they violate the restraining order, they can end up serving time in jail.  You do not deserve abuse and there are ways out!

Moving out of your marital home is a decision that you must make, no one can tell you what you should do. Remember, moving out does not mean that your marriage will end in divorce. Even in cases of abuse, problems can be solved with the help of counselors. There could be an underlying factor causing the abuse such as alcohol or drug addiction. These problems can be worked out if both people love each other and want their marriage to last.

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How to Deal with a Difficult Ex-Spouse

Posted by admin on 27th April 2006

It can be very trying to deal with your ex-spouse even if they are not difficult. You have hurt feelings, anger and many emotions that are out of whack due to this person. But, now you are divorced and you must think about your children. Yes, this other person will still be in your life because you have children together and both are going to be their parents for the remainder of your lives. So, now you must learn to deal with your difficult ex-spouse for your children. You are going to have to learn to walk away, remember you do not have to live with this person any more, and try to remember that your children love this person.

There are ways that you can learn to cope with your difficult ex-spouse, but it will take some work on your part.

The first thing for you to remember is that you are not going to change this person. They are what they are. If you are trying to change them you are part of the conflict. They are no longer a part of your life so you need to let them be unless their behavior can harm your children, then you should get legal help.

If your ex-spouse has a new spouse, try your best not to bash them as well. But, they should also not try to replace you. This can be a problem if your children believe they are trying to replace their parent.

When you both have to talk to one another, try to work things out over the telephone. Face to face meeting can result in conflicts. Also, treat the time involved with your ex-spouse as if it were a business meeting. And never let your children hear you disagreeing even over the phone. Try to have these meetings while the children are at school or not in hearing range.
 
Know exactly what you need to talk about and stay on schedule. Do not veer from the topics at hand. It is best to write these down before you call or meet. Do not get in the middle of a conflict. Be prepared for what you might think your spouse will say that will upset you, hurt you or anger you.

Try to agree with something your ex-spouse has said even if it is a minor detail. Then they will know that you are at least trying to compromise and that you are willing to work things out for what is best for the children.

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Why Do People Divorce?

Posted by admin on 27th April 2006

Divorce is a big issue in our society today. There are many different reasons why people choose to get divorces. Statistics show that 4 out of ten marriages end in divorce. A lot of the time people just don’t take the time to try and work it out. Others are just tired and want things to end peacefully. Sometimes spouses get cheated on or are just not very good people. But one thing is clear: divorce does a lot of damage to both sides.

When you come home and cook dinner for you and your spouse and they don’t show up on time. You wonder where they could be and what they’re doing. The same thing happens many times again.  Finally your spouse comes home with another’s sent on them and they are acting strange when you ask what is happening. The truth comes out and you find that your spouse has another lover. Divorce is seen by many the best way to solve this problem. It is sad but true. It is very painful for one to find out there are no longer the one and only.  Sometimes people become bored and they feel they’ve lost that excitement that was there when the two of them first met.

Sometimes people are just not meant to be together. They’ve found that they are two different people and want to move on. They no longer share the same interests or ever agree on anything. They just slowly drift apart. The end result once again is divorce.

Abusive relationships are a big problem. They are very violent and draining. People can really get hurt badly if they do not get out of these types of relationships. No one ever deserves to get beaten. If the person being abused decides they want out. They can. But it is not that easy. People who have been abused often feel like they deserve it and think that it is their fault they get abused. But it is not and it should end in divorce.

Children are another matter. Divorce affects them greatly. Children do not understand divorce or why it is happening to them. They have to go through a custody battle between their parents. Divorce is hard for kids to understand and it is important they have both parents there for them during the divorce.

There are a lot of reasons why people want to get divorces but one thing is clear. You must have a healthy relationship that has good communication. You must trust one another and be committed. Most of all you should love and respect your spouse or there can be a divorce.

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What To Do if Divorce is Imminent

Posted by admin on 27th April 2006

Divorce is never what someone wants to go through. It can be a hard transition. But there are things that you should take care of right away. First of course, is to take care of you children. Never argue in front of your children and never badmouth the other parent in front of them. Keep your children on a regular schedule. Get involved with them at school and their social activities. Children need to always feel loved no matter what is happening in your life.

Gather all of your records and your financial things: tax returns, bank statements, check registers, investment statements, retirement account statements, employee benefits handbooks, life insurance policies, mortgage documents, financial statements, credit card statements, wills, social security statements, automobile titles. All of these things you will need later.

Get a good divorce attorney. Find one that has worked divorce cases before. You will want to find an attorney who possesses good qualities such as reliability, experience in divorce, and a great attitude.

Prepare yourself for the road ahead. Divorce is not an easy thing to go through. Surround yourself with friends and family you can trust and rely on them for support. Friends and family is the best thing you have right now and you really do need them. Chances are one of them has already gone through a divorce.  You can even get a consoler to help you pull through this. There are tons and tons of resources out there for you to take advantage of.

Work can be hectic enough but you should also consider talking to your boss about what you’re going through. It is also important your boss understands what you’re going through. Just in case you need time off to get through the divorce process. Skipping work from time to time while going through the divorce should be no problem as long as you’re doing what you should be doing.

Get in touch with your children’s schools so that the teachers know what your child is also going through. Children can act out sometimes too because they are confused about what is going on.

If your school offers counseling for children try to get in touch with the school counselors and make arrangements for your child to go talk to them.  It is important that you also take the time to reach out to your children. And take care of yourself too!

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What Makes Marriages Work?

Posted by admin on 27th April 2006

Marriages can be as much fun as they can be difficult. There will always be a problem here and there and new things to deal with. What matters is how you deal with them. Communication is the key to making it work. You should be open to your wife or husband and they should be open with you. Everyone is different and everyone thinks differently. Everyone has different ideas and ways of thinking. Realize that and except it. Try to make a time during each other’s day to just sit together and talk. No TV, no phone, nothing at all but the two of you talking.

If there ever is a problem you have with your spouse, you should tell them as soon as you feel the time is right. Never let something bother you for a long time because it will keep coming back and resentments will grow.

Spend time with each other. Spending time with your spouse gives you the chance to bond with each other. Do something that you both agree would be fun and entertaining to you both. Go on walks together or watch a sunset in one another’s arms.

If there is a problem between the two of you sit down and talk about it right away. Never argue or fight with each other. If the situation is heated then you should both go to different rooms. Wait until both of you are calmed down to try to talk.

Talk about each other’s ideas and interests. Always respect each other’s opinions.

Have fun together and joke around together. Laughing is a good way to relieve stress in your life.

Commitment is a big key to a happy marriage. When you were at the alter with your husband or wife, you said that you would stick with him or her forever. No matter what! That is a big idea to think about but it is possible. You must learn to stick by their side no matter what you both go through. And to do that you have a lot of patience and love for that person. Nobody said that marriages are an easy thing.

Most of all you should love that person for who they are. Love is one of the most powerful feelings you can have for one another. You will make it together in life if you truly love the person you marry. Remember to have fun with each other and to be honest.

Treat your spouse as you would like to be treated, surprise them a wild flower, breakfast in bed or sit down and watch their favorite TV show with them. They must know that you are interested in what they are doing whether it is your favorite thing or not. Give a little and comprise.

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Should You End Your Relationship?

Posted by admin on 27th April 2006

When you ask yourself if you should end your current relationship, clearly there is something wrong with the relationship. You have to ask yourself whether or not you can and are willing to work through it. You should first realize that difficult times in a relationship take a lot of hard work and communication. It also takes tons of patients and understanding.

If you decide that the person you are seeing is just not “the one”, you should explain to them why you no longer want to be in a relationship with them. Don’t get angry with them when they become upset because they will get upset. It is important to tell them that they are a great person and you enjoyed your time together. Be sure not to lead them to believe they are a bad person or not worthy of you. Give them time to get their things together and leave. Don’t force them out. And if they would want to talk, let them talk.
Give yourself time to recover from the relationship and think about what kind of person you really want.

If the person you are seeing is “mean” to you. You should leave immediately. Never be involved in a relationship where someone controls who you see and what you do. That is not fair to you. Abusive relationships are characterized by extreme jealousy, emotional withholding, and lack of intimacy, raging, sexual coercion, infidelity, verbal abuse, threats, lies, broken promises, physical violence, power plays and control games. If you are in a relationship where he or she physically hurts you or controls you, you are not in a safe relationship.

You have the right to feel safe and not be abused. If they try to prevent you from leaving, call the police immediately.  It can get out of control and you could be seriously hurt or killed.  There are a lot of resources out there that can help you. There are safe houses for men and women who have been through an abusive relationship. If you were to call the police they would help you get to where you will be safe.

Before you decide on ending your relationship, talk with your spouse and see if they are willing to seek counseling with you. Do not make them feel that they are the problem, but that there are problems in the marriage and you desire to work through the problems because you love and care for you spouse. Then if counseling fails, divorce is apparent.

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Preplanning Divorce Strategies

Posted by admin on 27th April 2006

When you marry the one you love, you don’t expect that person to change into someone you didn’t marry. Statistics sadly show that it happens. Today, four out of ten marriages fail. Every aspect of your life is tampered by divorce. But it’s important to remember that it is not the end of your life. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

There are also ways to help you better cope with divorce. Here are some of the ways you can prepare for the journey ahead.

If you have children with your spouse, they should be told that mom and dad are not going to be together anymore. Be sure to tell them that it’s not their fault. Children always believe that it is their fault when things go wrong Explain that mom and dad have issues that will result in separation. Be sure that they still see both their parents after the divorce is complete. Be there for them and answer the questions they have. NEVER argue are fight in front of your children. Children do not understand and they will get scared. Most important, let your children know that dad and mom love them very much.

Prepare yourself. Surround yourself with people whom you love and trust it is important that you have someone to talk to. Counselors are very helpful and you can trust and talk to them. There are special counselors for divorce. It is important that you are able to vent and not let things build up inside you. If you have a church you go to, turn to your church for guidance. Children can also benefit from counselors. There are counselors that are just for children in the event of a divorce.

Keep the arguing in your house to a minimum. Arguing can make things worse and even escalate into violence. If your spouse begins to argue with you, it is OK to tell them you don’t want to talk right now and if they insist leave the room. If physical violence is a factor, you should leave your house and call the police. It is never OK to hit your spouse. It is never OK for your spouse to hit you. Nothing good can ever come from physical violence. If there is a physical violence problem that exists, you should stay with your friends, family or even a shelter if you have no one to turn to.

All in all, realize that it is not the end of your life and you can find happiness again. Just take care of yourself and do what you think is the right thing. Do what is best for you and your children as well.

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How to Tell Your Spouse You Want a Divorce

Posted by admin on 27th April 2006

This will not be an easy thing to do. You must first prepare yourself and what you want to say to your spouse. Think about what you’re about to do to this person. What they’re going to hear when you tell them you want a divorce is that you don’t love them anymore and they are a bad husband or wife,  Even though you did not say this to them. You must prepare for their reaction.  Think about what you want to say to this person and be sure to tell them exactly why you want a divorce. It is OK to be emotional during this. It would be better for you to pick a day where they have nothing going on and a day of no significance to them or you. Choose a quite place and time and be sure that no one will disturb you. This will take a lot of time so be sure you have no where to be. Ask them what they want from you and what they want to see happen. Let them talk about what they want to for awhile. They are going to be shocked and hurt. They may lash out at you but it is important you listen to what they are saying. Be patient with them.

If you have children set a time when they don’t have anything going on. Be gentle with your children because most of them do not understand divorce. Let them know that both of you love them very much and this has nothing to do with them. This will be very scary for your children. They will think that mom and dad don’t love each other anymore.

If there are counselors available at their school, try to set up a meeting with them and your children. It will help them to talk to someone they can trust. Counselors can be very helpful at explaining divorce.

Give your spouse time to think things through. They will still be in a state of shock and disbelief for awhile. Don’t argue with them or hurt them anymore than they already are.
Divorce is never an easy manner and there will be a long period of adjustment after it is final. Just try to take it easy on them and yourself. Take your time to think things through. Let them take their time as well.

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How to Tell your Friends and Family about your Divorce

Posted by admin on 27th April 2006

It will not be easy to tell your friends and family about your divorce. They might be a little disappointed that your marriage is not going to work out. But they will offer you some support. There is no guarantee to tell how they will react and their reactions will be pretty much unpredictable. Tell the people who you are closest to first, weather it be you brother or some close friends. It’s a good idea to practice what you are going to say to them all first. It is OK to ask for support from your family and friends. They may be insensitive to you for awhile because they’re getting over the loss of your marriage. Divorce does affect every member of a family. If your spouse was not a very good person, they may react happy and be glad that he or she is gone. But if your spouse was good to them they may be torn between both of you. You should encourage them to still talk to your spouse because if you have children, the children could benefit greatly.

At the office you should tell your boss because you will need to take time off for lawyers and counseling. People at the office may talk about your divorce but the best way to handle the gossip that floats around is to ignore it and just state that you do not wish to discuss your personal life at work. You should tell your human resources office because you may be able to receive benefits for counseling. Try to understand that you are very sensitive right now and talking about the divorce no matter the reason, can make you feel unworthy and alone.

If you have children, they need to hear what is happening. They will mostly be concerned with where they’re going to live and where the dog is going off to. They’ll wonder about where their toys will end up, too. Don’t tell them all the details of your divorce. You don’t need to burden them with all the little details. You should try to get them a councilor to talk to. They could really benefit from having someone who knows a lot about kids talk to them about the divorce. The most important thing to remember when talking to your children is to let them know that both parents still love them and the divorce is not something they caused.

Most of all take it easy. This is a very hard time for you and you should take it easy on yourself. It will not be easy but patience and support can make the suffering easy for everyone.

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Effects of Adultery on Divorce and Child Custody

Posted by admin on 27th April 2006

It is a long process and a hard one when trying to divorce someone who has cheated on you. If there are children involved it is even harder. Most states try and do what is best for everyone in the family. When adultery is involved it gets even harder. You would have to prove that your spouse was seeing someone else. There is a lot the courts have to go through before the final hearing can be approved. It is always best to seek the best legal counsel you can afford.

Every state and country is different when it comes to divorce and child custody.

Laws are different everywhere but the majorities are in favor for what is best for the child. The criminal record of both parents can effect where the child goes as well as the reason for divorce may also effect who gets custody of the child or if either parent will receive custody.

If your spouse has cheated on you, the court will most likely be in favor of giving you custody of the child. The age of the child comes into play in many court cases. And sometimes children may be asked in the judge’s chambers which parent they wish to live with and their reasons why.

If your spouse has cheated on you and you want to get a divorce and there are no children then most states will allow a divorce without a waiting period.

Custody battles can be very hard on everyone involved, including children. It is important you let the children know that both parents love them and never discuss the other parent in front of the child. You want the divorce and the battling to be done with as much ease for the children as possible. You do not want your child to think that the other parent is bad and so forth.

The courts will give custody to the parent they view to be best for the child’s well being.

Criminal records will be brought out and if there is something on those records they deem wrong. You will have lost the custody battle for your child. The most important thing when it comes to child custody is which parent can care for the child the best, has a home for the child, and which home is more morally sound. The children should not be in the court room unless they will be taking the stand for any reason.

When the child’s fate is decided, child support checks will be decided along with visitation rights. Usually there is a set visitation schedule that differs from state to state and some parents can also work out their own visitation schedules through their attorneys.

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