Archive for the 'Extramarital Affairs' Category

Why Do Married People Have Affairs?

Posted by admin on 27th April 2006

Married couples have affairs for many reasons. In the past it was mostly men that had affair outside of marriage, but today it is very common for women to be caught having just as many affairs as men. There is never a single good reason for one having an affair. Affairs are a brutal thing to go through and they are not fair. People get hurt very deeply and the ones having the affair pay a big price. Reasons for affairs are sometimes complicated and some easy. Many times it is hard to get to the bottom of why an affair happened, but with the help of a marriage counselor, the reasons may come out in the open where they can be dealt with. 

There are different types of affairs listed below are a few of them:

The need for excitement and adventure.  The reason this affair happens is because someone is trying to put excitement and adventure into their life, Affairs are filled with fun and the danger of getting caught. Secret meetings are very fun for some people as well.
Understanding and companionship.  Men and women have different ways of communicating and that could sometimes lead them to think they are misunderstood or ignored. When they do find someone that listens and thinks the way they do, they are drawn to them. Many individuals need to feel understood and want that understanding from their spouse. If a spouse hasn’t received that from their spouse, they will try to find someone who can.

As years go by and people change. They are relaxed in their relationship and don’t feel the need to bring flowers or gifts, or say “I love you”. This can bring on wandering eyes to others like seem to be more romantic and you may begin to think more about them and wish you could spend more time with them. But, this is a very big mistake; this could be the beginning of an affair.

People need to take care of their relationships and communicate what they are missing in their love life. It is not abnormal to miss something and want something from your spouse. But you have to realize that things do change and people too. This is why communicating is so important in your relationship. It is not easy to communicate but there are a lot of ways to make it happen before it results in an affair. It is very difficult for a relationship to recover after one spouse has had an affair.

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When You’ve Had an Affair and Want to Try to Save Your Marriage

Posted by admin on 27th April 2006

Trying to save you marriage after an affair is a very difficult task. You have to start over again and have something extra burdening you. There will be a lot of anger and distrust coming from your spouse you’ll have to work though. Trust is at the heart of a relationship. When trust is lost the person feels angry and taken for granted. There are ways to work though this but both have to be willing and want to work it out.

If you do want to move on with them you should consider marriage counseling and also personal counseling. You will have to earn their trust and be ready for many questions about where you are going and how long you will be gone.  If you do decide to go to counseling, be open while you’re there and don’t be afraid to tell how you feel. Be honest about why you had the affair. This is the only way your spouse will ever be able to heal. Remember, you not only lost their trust, but they do not believe that you love them like you once did. This will be a very hard time on your spouse.

You will need to sit down and talk with your spouse and be able to explain what caused you to have an affair and that you want your marriage to work. You will have to work very hard to gain their trust. Remember, your spouse is going to be angry, feel hurt, and feel unloved. They will need some time and some space before they will want to be close to you.

Honesty will be the most important thing from now on. If you are going to be late for any reason, please ask your spouse to come down to the office and bring dinner. If you have a sick friend to visit ask your spouse to drive you. These are small ways in which you can build trust back up. Let them know that you are being honest and that you truly love them and no one else.

When your spouse is ready for you to be close to them again, and it will come in time, lavish them with your time and affection. Give small kisses on the check and always remember to say “I love you” and mean what you say.

You decided to have the affair and now you realize your marriage is more important. Pour all the energy you used to hide your affair into your marriage and spending time with your spouse. It may take a long while to get back what you lost, but you will gain it through counseling and love for one another.

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Signs that Your Spouse is Having an Affair

Posted by admin on 27th April 2006

So your spouse just came home from work late, but this isn’t the first time, no it’s the fourth Thursday in a row!  This could be one of the many signs to look for if you think a spouse may be having an affair with someone.  Sometimes it’s just a little piece of evidence and sometimes it’s just pure intuition. Either way there are some big and little ways to find a clue your spouse is having an affair.
Your husband never used to shave, but ever since he has started to come home late he has been shaving daily, showering twice and day, and even changed his cologne to something you have never heard of.  Your spouse has taken a new interest in to appearance, but for no reason at all.  Most people will change their appearance for the significant other slightly or drastically if asked, but one rarely does with it without any reason. Especially without giving a reason for the sudden change, like something they saw or read.  Another appearance change might be the sudden non-wearing of wedding bands. For women, it may be a whole entire new look sexier than she normally wears for just going shopping or visiting a friend.

Your spouse comes home a late day and seems to be missing their wedding ring again.  With no logical explanation one could take this as a serious sign that the person in question is having an affair or on the verge of such an act.  After they get home the phone rings and they rush over to pick it up, in a nonchalant voice they say hi and after a brief conversation your spouse is out the door again and back at the office.  Their quick response and suspicious voice over the phone should clue you into a secret they are keeping. You may even notice the wedding ring missing and hear the response, “it accidentally fell in the disposal while I was doing the dishes and I sent it to the jewelers for repairs”. If this was not told when it first happened in a sad and worried manner, then the ring is probably put away in her jewelry box.

Even with the clues given the only way to tell if a person is having an affair is to get concrete evidence.  No one should jump to the conclusion their spouse is having an affair, for it might just be a surprise get away for the two of you to Hawaii.  A person should trust their intuition though and go with what it’s telling them and dig deeper into the situation.  At one point you fully trusted this person and loved them, so acting on instinct should be your first weapon.  You know their ins and outs, what makes them tick.  If something doesn’t feel right confront the issue and ask for answers to your doubts.

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Reasons for Affairs

Posted by admin on 27th April 2006

People have affairs for a lot of reasons. Sometimes they just think they can get away with it. Other times they are bored or unsatisfied in their relationships. It is not fair and it is a horrible experience to go through. It can be heartbreaking and if there are children involved it is even worse. Affairs are very common these days and almost expectable in our society. The sad truth is that they are very common.

Both men and women cheat in their relationships. Sometimes they get bored and are just not getting what they think they need.

When a spouse is cheating on their husband or wife, they feel they are missing out on something but they’re not sure what it is. Sometimes they are not satisfied in their relationship. But why won’t they just come out and say that they want to move on? Maybe they still love their spouse but want something else to. Maybe something in their spouse is lacking? They married their spouse and promised to be with them forever.

A lot of people become bored after they’re married. When you’ve been with someone so long and you miss the way you felt when the two of you first met, you try to get that feeling back. You’ll make an attempt to get it back with your spouse. But sometimes it will not be there so you go looking for it somewhere else. You find another person and begin your affair.

Some people do it because they think they can get away with it. When a man or woman go on business trips they find it is much easier to have an affair away from home. They can hide it without worrying that anyone will see them. It just seems easy to them because they think they can get away with it.

Other times people just want to end their relationship but don’t want to lose their spouses money or their home. It just seems like a big hassle to go through that comes with breaking off the relationship. The two in the relationship are no longer interested in each other but they will pretend so they don’t have to deal with all that comes with breaking it off.

There are still lots of reasons and not all can be explained. Some protest that it is human nature to cheat on their lovers, that we are animals by nature and we are trying to find the best mate. No matter what the reason, it is still wrong and it is one of the most terrible things one can go through. People should try to communicate what they want in their relationships. That is above all the most important thing.

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How to Deal with Your Spouse’s Affair

Posted by admin on 27th April 2006

You are going to be hurt and in a state of shock for awhile. You may not want to talk to him or her and that is OK. If you do feel like talking to your spouse don’t be afraid to tell them how you feel and why. It is important they know the damage they have caused you. But, honestly they probably already know if they have decided to tell you.

Let your spouse know that you need time to think about how you feel and how you can handle this. If you need to, go to a family member’s home for a few hours. But do not in any way give your family or friends any details that they can use against your spouse.

Remember your spouse is human and we all make mistakes. If you love your spouse and want the relationship to work, then you must talk with them. Talk when you are calm and can listen to what your spouse has to say. Most affairs are not because one spouse has done anything wrong, or that you are not attractive anymore, or even that your spouse does not love you any more.

Many times an affair happens because one spouse feels unattractive and they need to feel loved and desired by someone other than their spouse and this attention totally got out of hand.

Your spouse did not have an affair to hurt you! Yes, the affair should never have happened in the first place, but it did and now you must decide how to go on with your life. If you love your spouse, you should be able to overcome this mistake, yes it was a big mistake, and your marriage may even be stronger.

The affair is over and now and you need time to build up that trust once again. But, it can be done. But, you must also remember that you want to keep your spouse at home with you and not in the arms of another. You both need to sit down and find the root of how the affair started. Spend more time together as a couple. Let a friend come over and spend the weekend with the kids, feed the pets, and watch your home, while you sneak away for a romantic weekend.

If you can trust again, and you will if you really love your spouse, your marriage may be better than it ever was because you both will be spending more time with one another and lavishing each other with affection.

Remember counseling is also available for people that need just a bit more help in dealing with a spouse that has had an affair and it may even be easier for you both to talk and learn what the real underlying problems were that caused the affair to begin with.

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Effects of Adultery on Divorce and Child Custody

Posted by admin on 27th April 2006

It is a long process and a hard one when trying to divorce someone who has cheated on you. If there are children involved it is even harder. Most states try and do what is best for everyone in the family. When adultery is involved it gets even harder. You would have to prove that your spouse was seeing someone else. There is a lot the courts have to go through before the final hearing can be approved. It is always best to seek the best legal counsel you can afford.

Every state and country is different when it comes to divorce and child custody.

Laws are different everywhere but the majorities are in favor for what is best for the child. The criminal record of both parents can effect where the child goes as well as the reason for divorce may also effect who gets custody of the child or if either parent will receive custody.

If your spouse has cheated on you, the court will most likely be in favor of giving you custody of the child. The age of the child comes into play in many court cases. And sometimes children may be asked in the judge’s chambers which parent they wish to live with and their reasons why.

If your spouse has cheated on you and you want to get a divorce and there are no children then most states will allow a divorce without a waiting period.

Custody battles can be very hard on everyone involved, including children. It is important you let the children know that both parents love them and never discuss the other parent in front of the child. You want the divorce and the battling to be done with as much ease for the children as possible. You do not want your child to think that the other parent is bad and so forth.

The courts will give custody to the parent they view to be best for the child’s well being.

Criminal records will be brought out and if there is something on those records they deem wrong. You will have lost the custody battle for your child. The most important thing when it comes to child custody is which parent can care for the child the best, has a home for the child, and which home is more morally sound. The children should not be in the court room unless they will be taking the stand for any reason.

When the child’s fate is decided, child support checks will be decided along with visitation rights. Usually there is a set visitation schedule that differs from state to state and some parents can also work out their own visitation schedules through their attorneys.

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