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Archive for the 'Emotions & Divorce' Category

Dealing with Divorce Depression

Posted by admin on 27th April 2006

There are several types of feelings and emotions that you will have to deal with during your divorce and the number one is depression. Dealing with divorce depression is different for each person and how they perceive the divorce and who they have around them for support after the divorce.

Some people if they children can cope with divorce because they have something to occupy their minds most of the time, but still when they are alone at night, depression can creep in. Learning to deal with divorce depression will be one of the best accomplishments of the entire divorce. Everyone that gets a divorce has bouts of depression. In a divorce you are losing, not only the person that you envisioned you would spend the rest of your life with, but you are also losing the person you once were. With the bouts of depression you will also have to grieve, these two combined emotions can be controlled with just a few steps.

Understand why you are depressed. Dealing with divorce depression begins by realizing you are depressed and learning what causes your depression. You may be lonely, missing the life you once had, or realizing your dreams have been shattered, what ever they are write them down and see how you can control these feelings and turn them around. If you are lonely, go out and spend times with family and friends, join support groups, or go to church. If you are missing your old life, start a new one with you at the center. It is your turn to do what makes you happy instead of comprising with a spouse. If your old dreams were shattered, envision new dreams and set goals to achieve them.

Okay, you know why you are depressed, let’s start dealing with it. Set new goals for yourself. Pamper yourself just a bit and get ready to live again.

Now, join a support group, a club, the PTA, the church choir, or other clubs or events where you can meet people that enjoy the same kinds of things you do. The best way to quit being depressed is to quit thinking about “poor me”, and enjoy being around other people, family and friends.
Find things to do with yourself, instead of just sitting around watching television. Get a new hobby, start an exercise program, or maybe take a college course. 

Dealing with divorce depression is to control the depression and put yourself back in control of your emotions instead of the depression. If you need help and just can’t do it alone that with your minister or seek the advice of a therapist.

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Coping Skills for Your Divorce

Posted by admin on 27th April 2006

You may believe that your world is over while you are going through a divorce and even months after and yes your entire world has turned upside down. You can however learn to cope with these emotions and feelings and learn that your divorce was not a failure it was just a stepping-stone to something better.

The first thing you must do is build up your own confidence. These steps should help you learn coping skills for your divorce.

1. Like whom you are. This is the most important thing you can do to ensure your own happiness.

2. Quit using and thinking negatively about yourself, putting yourself down for a failed relationship is not coping.

3. Do not compare yourself to other people that have been through a divorce, not every scientist is Albert Einstein.

4. Use the abilities that you have by learning who you really are and what you are able to do.

5. If you make mistakes, use them as a learning tool to move forward.

6. Find ways to improve your life. Begin by finding a new hobby or taking a class in a subject you would enjoy.

7. Quit just planning, get out and do. Make a list and set goals for yourself and then get started. Do not skip over items on your list.

8. When you receive compliments for any tasks, receive them and accept them. You would not be getting compliments for a bad job, recognize that you are good at these types of tasks and enjoy the flattery.

9. When others put you down stand up for yourself.

10. Take care of yourself and show pride in yourself. If you do not take care of yourself, others will treat you in the same way, as you are not an important person, because you show that you have no self worth by not taking care of yourself. When you go out, brush your hair, look nice and smile.

11. Be patient. You will not be able to conquer every mistake and go on in just a day or two. It took you your entire marriage to become you are today, it will take time to become a new you.

12. Remember, the marriage is over, but your life is just beginning. Put the past in the past and look forward to tomorrow.

All of these steps will take time, but you can accomplish your goals. You are the most important person in your life and if you have children, in their lives as well. Be strong and find a new you, a new life, and you soon will be a better person by learning from your mistakes.

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Choosing a Therapist

Posted by admin on 27th April 2006

All of us need an unbiased person to talk with after a divorce that can help us make decisions and learn to cope with the feelings and thoughts that we are having. The best person to aid you in getting in back together is a therapist. However, when choosing a therapist there are things you must do to ensure that you really keep up with therapy.

Choosing a therapist should begin with finding someone that you are comfortable with. You will be talking to this person about your secrets and feelings and if you feel intimidated or uneasy, you will not be able to be at ease.

Find a therapist that is close to where you live or work. If you have to travel out of your way to talk with them, you are more likely to skip appointments and come up with all kinds of excuses as to why you can go.

Look for a therapist that specializes in divorce. If you need to go to a doctor for your foot, you do not visit an eyes, ears, and nose specialist, so the same goes for a therapist. Each therapist has his or her own area of expertise.

Do not worry too much, about what degree the therapist has when choosing a therapist. All therapist have the training they need. All you really need to know is that they, in fact, do have a degree and are licensed.

Learn what method they normally use and how it will help you. Not each person will benefit from the same method.

Visit a few therapist before you settle down on one. Be sure that you feel comfortable in their office and that when you talk with them the conversation is smooth and not forced on your part. Questions you should ask yourself:

Am I comfortable?

Are they listening to me, or staring out the window, fiddling with stuff on their desk, or answering the telephone during your time there?

Are they asking questions that are pertinent to my situation?

Are they completely siding with you and giving you praise? If so, this will not help you learn to cope with your feelings.
Do they seem to understand and give me advice?

Are their fees reasonable and comparable to other therapist in their fields?

Do they have the same values as I do? If you are here because you went through a divorce, you do not need a therapist that does not believe in divorce.

Remember the most important thing you should get out of therapy is a healthy mental attitude. If you believe this therapist can help you achieve your goal, then you have probably chosen the best therapist for yourself.

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