DADI Blog

When You’ve Had an Affair and Want to Try to Save Your Marriage

Posted by admin on April 27th, 2006

Trying to save you marriage after an affair is a very difficult task. You have to start over again and have something extra burdening you. There will be a lot of anger and distrust coming from your spouse you’ll have to work though. Trust is at the heart of a relationship. When trust is lost the person feels angry and taken for granted. There are ways to work though this but both have to be willing and want to work it out.

If you do want to move on with them you should consider marriage counseling and also personal counseling. You will have to earn their trust and be ready for many questions about where you are going and how long you will be gone.  If you do decide to go to counseling, be open while you’re there and don’t be afraid to tell how you feel. Be honest about why you had the affair. This is the only way your spouse will ever be able to heal. Remember, you not only lost their trust, but they do not believe that you love them like you once did. This will be a very hard time on your spouse.

You will need to sit down and talk with your spouse and be able to explain what caused you to have an affair and that you want your marriage to work. You will have to work very hard to gain their trust. Remember, your spouse is going to be angry, feel hurt, and feel unloved. They will need some time and some space before they will want to be close to you.

Honesty will be the most important thing from now on. If you are going to be late for any reason, please ask your spouse to come down to the office and bring dinner. If you have a sick friend to visit ask your spouse to drive you. These are small ways in which you can build trust back up. Let them know that you are being honest and that you truly love them and no one else.

When your spouse is ready for you to be close to them again, and it will come in time, lavish them with your time and affection. Give small kisses on the check and always remember to say “I love you” and mean what you say.

You decided to have the affair and now you realize your marriage is more important. Pour all the energy you used to hide your affair into your marriage and spending time with your spouse. It may take a long while to get back what you lost, but you will gain it through counseling and love for one another.

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