DADI Blog

Motivation for Alienation

Posted by admin on April 27th, 2006

Motivations for alienating a parent can be very complex or extremely simple. You may wonder why any one parent would desire to hurt their own children by keeping them away from the other parent and in that process turning them totally against the other parent. Their intentions differ from one parent to the next, but there are some common reasons.

Motivating factors can include:

* Revenge, for anything they think the other parent did during their marriage. This could be something as simple as not listening to them or having an affair. They cannot separate these events from parenting issues.

* This type of behavior can go back as far as into their own childhood, and how their own relationship was with their parents.

* A personality disorder such as narcissism or paranoia can be the culprit. With these types of disorders, they will not realize that they are harming their children and will not be able to feel any sympathy for their children’s feelings.

* Insecure feelings of how they can take care of the children.

* They may have the feeling that their life is their children and feel that if the other parent is a threat to their own identity. Being so engrossed in the lives of their children they feel like nothing is left if they lose them.

* They are afraid the other parent may turn the children against them.

* They are willing to share the love of the children with their ex-spouse for their own reasons.

* In cases of abuse, the parent may be worried that since they are no longer together, the abusive behavior maybe turned toward the children.

There are so many different reasons that one parent may wish to keep the other parent away from the children and it may just be that they can no longer stand that person. Even parents watch their children and have some problems with their children’s friends, schoolmates, etc…, and do their best as a couple to ensure their children are not around people they dislike for one reason or another. Therefore, when it comes to parents that are divorced an alienator can always come up with some reason for the other parent to be a bad influence on the children, such as

* They let them stay up pass their bedtime and then I have a hard time getting the children up for school.

* I do not approve of their new boyfriend/girlfriend.

* They drink in front of the children.

* Child support payments were late.

* Their home is in a bad part of town.

If an alienator wishes to keep the children and the other apart for whatever reason, they will find a way and will instill these thoughts, fears, and hatred onto their children.

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