DADI Blog

Letting Go of Your Relationship if You’re the One Left Behind

Posted by admin on April 27th, 2006

Many people after they go through a divorce continue to remain attached to their ex-partners and just cannot move forward with there own lives. More time than none after a divorce you will see your x spouse perhaps doing better than they ever did when they were married to you. They seem more out going, they have even met someone else, and they seem happier than the day the two of you first met.  And you are still hurting, wishing you were still with your x spouse, you just can’t do anything to start your life over, for some people they just can’t even begin to move forward in their own lives.

There are so many reasons that this happens to people after a divorce, one could be the fact that you did not want the divorce, but it was you x-spouse and that’s why they are growing in their lives and you remain a mess. Another especially for women who were married for many years have now lost what they thought was their security which makes it very hard for many to ever rebound and move forward. Others simply are still dwelling on feelings of regret, revenge and hostilities wanting to get even with their x-spouses wanting to make them pay in some way. Many just simply can’t function at all because they suffer for serious co-dependency and now they are afraid with out the support of a spouse.

Change is never easy, but if you are a person being left behind then its time to take some first steps toward healing and making a forward motion to get your life back on track. So you can start by viewing the marriage as dead, you have grieved long enough and that person is never coming back. Except the fact that no one is perfect and we all makes mistakes, accept the past is dead just like the marriage. Consider that if the marriage failed then your x-spouse just happen not to be your soul mate, which means you have a change to meet the real person you we intended to be with. Go do some activity or event you use to enjoyed, take a vacation or buy some new clothes.

If you have come to realize you were co-dependant on your x, then you probably need to make that first step and find some kind of support group to help you cope with this problem and can help you reclaim you independence. If you’re stuck on your x-spouse thinking oh “I love him or her “and I am going to win them back!  Then you still have not excepted the marriage is dead, forget about them and maybe for the first time in many years be selfish and just think about pleasing your self as to what makes you happy and reacquaint your self with who you are and stop being left behind.

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