DADI Blog

How to Manage Conflict in Your Divorce

Posted by admin on April 27th, 2006

Unless you are, the perfect couple and both can agree all everything then there will be conflicts. Some conflicts can be very minor while others can be disastrous. How to manage conflicts that arise in your divorce can be decide by determining just how important these conflicts are to you and how much time, it is worth in order for you come to a decision.

You already know what the conflicts are that are facing you in your divorce, who stays in the home, who gets custody of the children, is joint custody a possibility, will the children spend 50 percent of their with you and then 50 percent with the other parent, who gets the children for the holidays, who gets which auto and so on.

First, you must ask yourself these questions.

Is the issue really that important or can I live with the other spouse having the car, furniture, etc?

Is what is at stake that important to me?

Will talking about the issue make it better or worse?

Am I willing to sit and listen to their side?

Now, you really know which conflicts are important and which ones you need to address. But, can you both sit down and rationally discuss the issues without causing even more friction? First, you must be willing to compromise and so must your spouse. If you cannot see that you both can have agreements on anything, you can suggest a therapist or even a divorce mediator. This way you will both learn to share and compromise and the conflicts can get resolved.

If you are wishing to win, win, win in your divorce, then you are going to be sadly disappointed unless your spouse was an abusive person to you and the children. The only way to avoid conflict is to know that neither one of you is in a winning situation and you both will lose something along the way.

Managing conflict may be as easy as giving in to some things your spouse wants for other things that you desire. Let’s say that you both have accumulated many things over the years while you were married. You both love going fishing and both of you wish to keep the fishing equipment and the boat. But, you also have one truck with a hitch for the boat and two cars, one with a hitch and one without which is a sports car. Your spouse wants the truck because they also use it for work and they also want the sports car. Well, you could compromise and say, “I will let you have the truck and the sports car, but then I get the other car and the boat.” This way you both win.

Remember, if you cannot agree, the court will make the decisions for you and you both may lose out on what you really would like to keep.

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