DADI Blog

How to Deal with Your Spouse’s Affair

Posted by admin on April 27th, 2006

You are going to be hurt and in a state of shock for awhile. You may not want to talk to him or her and that is OK. If you do feel like talking to your spouse don’t be afraid to tell them how you feel and why. It is important they know the damage they have caused you. But, honestly they probably already know if they have decided to tell you.

Let your spouse know that you need time to think about how you feel and how you can handle this. If you need to, go to a family member’s home for a few hours. But do not in any way give your family or friends any details that they can use against your spouse.

Remember your spouse is human and we all make mistakes. If you love your spouse and want the relationship to work, then you must talk with them. Talk when you are calm and can listen to what your spouse has to say. Most affairs are not because one spouse has done anything wrong, or that you are not attractive anymore, or even that your spouse does not love you any more.

Many times an affair happens because one spouse feels unattractive and they need to feel loved and desired by someone other than their spouse and this attention totally got out of hand.

Your spouse did not have an affair to hurt you! Yes, the affair should never have happened in the first place, but it did and now you must decide how to go on with your life. If you love your spouse, you should be able to overcome this mistake, yes it was a big mistake, and your marriage may even be stronger.

The affair is over and now and you need time to build up that trust once again. But, it can be done. But, you must also remember that you want to keep your spouse at home with you and not in the arms of another. You both need to sit down and find the root of how the affair started. Spend more time together as a couple. Let a friend come over and spend the weekend with the kids, feed the pets, and watch your home, while you sneak away for a romantic weekend.

If you can trust again, and you will if you really love your spouse, your marriage may be better than it ever was because you both will be spending more time with one another and lavishing each other with affection.

Remember counseling is also available for people that need just a bit more help in dealing with a spouse that has had an affair and it may even be easier for you both to talk and learn what the real underlying problems were that caused the affair to begin with.

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