DADI Blog

How to Deal with a Difficult Ex-Spouse

Posted by admin on April 27th, 2006

It can be very trying to deal with your ex-spouse even if they are not difficult. You have hurt feelings, anger and many emotions that are out of whack due to this person. But, now you are divorced and you must think about your children. Yes, this other person will still be in your life because you have children together and both are going to be their parents for the remainder of your lives. So, now you must learn to deal with your difficult ex-spouse for your children. You are going to have to learn to walk away, remember you do not have to live with this person any more, and try to remember that your children love this person.

There are ways that you can learn to cope with your difficult ex-spouse, but it will take some work on your part.

The first thing for you to remember is that you are not going to change this person. They are what they are. If you are trying to change them you are part of the conflict. They are no longer a part of your life so you need to let them be unless their behavior can harm your children, then you should get legal help.

If your ex-spouse has a new spouse, try your best not to bash them as well. But, they should also not try to replace you. This can be a problem if your children believe they are trying to replace their parent.

When you both have to talk to one another, try to work things out over the telephone. Face to face meeting can result in conflicts. Also, treat the time involved with your ex-spouse as if it were a business meeting. And never let your children hear you disagreeing even over the phone. Try to have these meetings while the children are at school or not in hearing range.
 
Know exactly what you need to talk about and stay on schedule. Do not veer from the topics at hand. It is best to write these down before you call or meet. Do not get in the middle of a conflict. Be prepared for what you might think your spouse will say that will upset you, hurt you or anger you.

Try to agree with something your ex-spouse has said even if it is a minor detail. Then they will know that you are at least trying to compromise and that you are willing to work things out for what is best for the children.

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