How and What to Tell Your Children about Your Divorce

Posted by admin on April 27th, 2006

How and what to tell your children about your divorce has a lot to do with the age of your children. Many times your children are just too young to comprehend exactly what is going on. The older children have probably seen it coming for a while even without you saying a word.

Let’s divide how you to talk to your child or children by age groups.

If they are under school age, they are not going to understand much at all and the best approach is to just let them know that mommy and daddy will not be living in the same house anymore. Assure them that both of you still love them very much but that daddy or mommy is going to live elsewhere. That is all they will understand anyway at this age. As they get older and begin asking questions then you can answer them with age appropriate answers.

If they are school age, then they probably have friends in school that have parents that are divorced. Children in elementary school do understand a lot more than you think; they can feel the tension in a home even if you never argue in front of your children. They already know something is up. It is best to just them know that you are getting a divorce. It would be best if at all possible for both parents to sit down with the children together and explain that it has nothing to do with them at all. That you both love them dearly but believe it is best that you do not live in the same home anymore.

The number one rule is never talk about bad about your spouse. Remember this person is also the parent to your child and your child loves both parents. You would like it if someone talked down about one of your parents so do not get in this trap and talk about your spouse in front of your child.

You also never want to talk about the divorce proceedings or what happens in court where the children can hear. And by all means do not let others including family or friends talk about your soon to be ex-spouse anywhere they may hear. This can cause your children to have resentment when they hear either one of their parents or others place blame on one of their parents.

Even if the case of adultery; do not speak about it in front of your children. It is best to just let your children know that you both still love them very much and still want them in your lives. The only thing that will change is where the other parent will be living or if they will be moving into a new home.

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