Dealing with an Alienator

Posted by admin on April 27th, 2006

If you find yourself as an alienated parent you are going to have all kinds of feelings mulling around inside. Some of your questions maybe, what did I do, and why are my children treating me so badly? These questions can turn into anger when you realize you did noting at all. Now, you must find a way to deal with the alienator without putting more space between you and your children.

The best ways in which to deal with an alienator are:

* Control your temper and your behavior

* Keep a log of everything that happens with exact details

* Always arrive on time to pick up your children, even if you know that they will not be able to come. I know this sounds ridiculous, but document the time, place, and reason the children were not there, or you could not visit with them. This will show the court that you are trying everything in your power to have a relationship with your children

* While you are spending time with your children talk about things that you did in the past together that were fun, always help them to remember the fun times without disagreeing with the other parent. Never talk about anything in a negative manner

* Never talk about the divorce or court with the children

* Do your best to not argue with your children or become defensive when they tell you things that are untrue.  Remember, they are also victims here and need your love and support to listen to them about their feelings. If they make remarks like “You never did anything with me.”, do not disagree, mention something you did do together. Reinforce the fun times you had with them.

* Take some parenting classes. This will give you some skills that will aid in communicating with your children and keeping your anger under control.

* If at all possible, seek counseling for your children. If you can get the children into counseling with a professional that understands PAS, then go yourself. Learn how to handle all that you are being through and how to counteract the problem.

* Do not go against any court order, which includes paying child support even if you are fighting to get visitation. The courts want you to uphold your end of supporting your children and consideration visitation a completely different area from child support.

* Never talk bad about your ex-souse in front of the children; they are hearing enough of this from the other parent.

* Never blame your child, they are being brainwashed. They still need your love, affection, devotion, and support.

* Go back to court to get your visitation rights.

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