Biggest Mistakes Divorcing Couples Make When Dealing With Children

Posted by admin on April 27th, 2006

All couples going through divorce make mistakes when they are dealing with their children but if you know what the biggest mistakes are you may be lucky enough to not make any.

The following mistakes rank as the biggest mistakes divorcing couple make when dealing with children.

1. Bashing the Other Parent
This is the major mistake that all parents seem to fall into when they are going a divorce. You both will have angry feelings and need a way to express yourself. But, you should never talk bad about your husband or wife in front of your children or even if they could be close enough to hear. Remember your children love both of you equally. They have looked up to you as parents, caregivers and always knew you both would be there to take care of them.

2. Arguing in front of the Children
No matter what the reason or how upset you are, you should never argue with your soon to be ex-spouse in front of the children. Children are already upset because they are losing one of their parents. Having the stress of their parents constantly arguing when they see one another will cause the children to feel stress every time they know that their parents are going to see one another.

3.   Punishing the Children for the ex-spouses failures
This may sound like something you think you will never do, but it does happen. “Your father/mother did not pay their child support. So, you can not see them this weekend”. This is not only punishing your ex-spouse but you are in fact punishing your children.

3. Not listening to their children’s feelings about the divorce
Children have feelings just like you and they are hurting just as much as you when it comes to the divorce. They may not hurt in the same way, but they feel confused, blame themselves and are losing a parent. They need to talk about how they feel. If you do not believe you are the best person at this time to talk with them because of your own hurt feelings, then you should consider a counselor.

4. Rushing into a new relationship too soon
You may be lonely and seek companionship. But, you also need time to heal and so do your children. When you bring a new person into their lives they may feel that they have to love this person as much as they love the other parent. You need at least 2 to 3 years before you are ready emotionally to make a new commitment and your children should be allowed this time as well. They should be able to get to know this new person without any pressure. Let them decide how they feel and give them the time they need to accept someone new in their lives.

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